A Quick FatherSon Talk
by ApExPhOeNiX20
Summary: Shinji tries to talk to Gendo on a fishing tripfor both of them tough, Third impact would be much more pleasant.


1 A Quick Father-Son Talk  
  
By ApExPhOeNiX20  
  
Disclaimer: don't own anyone, wished I did. So what the hell else is new? This fic has nothing to do with the original plotline at all. Jus' don't flame me, ok? That kinda thing's really trivial and menial to begin with, anyway. Oh yeah, warning for language.  
  
Don't say you weren't warned…  
  
The fishing boat rocked idly back and forth as Shinji and Gendo Ikari sat and waited for the fish to bite at their bait. Shinji was quiet, contemplating what he should do next, since this whole fishing trip was his idea, anyway. He didn't even know why his father even agreed to come along anyway-he was usually too busy at Nerv to do anything else on his free time. And when he did come, he was dressed in his usual business attire, stupid white gloved hands and all.  
  
And of course, the glasses. There they were again. That stupid goddamned pair of FUCKING GLASSES!!! WHY the FUCK couldn't he CHANGE the FUCKING PAIR OF GLASSES?!?  
  
Shinji soon and quietly realized that he was so angry that he left finger indentations on the grip of his fishing rod. Heh-heh, cool, he thought to himself much like an idiot would before focusing back on the problem at hand. No one had said anything since Gendo's own arrival, save for the menial small-talk that Gendo always asked:  
  
**************************************************************************  
  
"Hello, Third Child."  
  
"Hi, Dad."  
  
"…"  
  
"…."  
  
"Still walk funny, huh?"  
  
"Huh? No! No, I do not walk funny, Dad." Shinji fumed.  
  
"Oh…"  
  
"…"  
  
"…"  
  
"Do you still…"  
  
"Yes, Dad?"  
  
"Soil your pants in public?  
  
"No! Jesus, Dad, that was like in what? Kindergarten?"  
  
"I see…"  
  
"…"  
  
"It's no use lying to me, I know you soil your pants."  
  
"FOR THE LAST MOTHERFUCKING TIME, NO!! I do NOT SHIT MY PANTS, DO YOU HEAR ME? NO, N-O, NO! So GET THAT through your FUCKING HEAD!!!"  
  
"Oh…"  
  
"…"  
  
"You do you like…Girls, don't you son? I'm a bit concerned lately about that… "  
  
"AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"  
  
But if it was one thing Shinji had learned, it was to move and think quickly around his father. Shinji looked to his side. Gendo was standing up, fishing rod in one hand and …a racy picture of Pen-Pen in a rather inappropriate pose for a penguin to take in the other. He looked away, pretending not to notice while secretly wondering just what kind of sicko he was, anyway.  
  
He had decided that this was the best time to do what his therapist said to do, which was to talk to his father about his real feelings and vent out all of his anger.  
  
"Um, dad--"  
  
"Hey, Third Chil--um, Shinji?"  
  
"Uh, what?"  
  
"Remember that time, you know, in your EVA, when you had fought your first angel?"  
  
Shinji shuddered as he remembered all too well. "Yeah, I do."  
  
"And remember when you killed your best friend Kaworu, 'cause I told you to?"  
  
Shinji felt very uncomfortable, to say the least. "Yeah?"  
  
"Well, wasn't that all just fun?!?" Gendo concluded with a laugh and slapped Shinji on the back. Apparently, being a commander of deadly robots didn't give him those all-important father and son communication skills. At least, other than barking orders out at one said son, but that's beside the point.  
  
"FUN?!? Just HOW in the HELL can you call ANY of that FRIGGIN' FUN?!?"  
  
"I don't know…I thought you liked that didn't you?"  
  
"Oh, yeah, being strapped inside of a walking death machine fighting god- knows-what while puking my guts out is my idea of a GOOD, WHOLESOME HEALTHY friggin' FUN!!!"  
  
"….Did you feed your Penguin before you left this morning, Shinji? And do you if it's seeing anybody?"  
  
Ok, Shinji thought, maybe this wasn't the best idea after all. But he decided to press on with his mission, determined not to turn back now.  
  
"Dad?"  
  
"Yes, Third Chi- er, son?" This was something that Gendo was going to have to get used to till he got back to Central Dogma and NERV. Then he grind him down, real good, till he was nothing in his hands save for the dust of his bones. He began to cackle, his hands doing that weird evil-guy thing where they kinda shake involuntarily as he threw his head back, eyes wide and foaming at the mouth. The foam, for your information, started to fill the boat.  
  
"a-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! A-HAHAHAHAHAH! A-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH--"  
  
"Uh, Dad--"  
  
"Hold on, still cackling. A-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA—"  
  
"DA-aaad?" Shinji said, thoroughly annoyed.  
  
"WAAAIT a mommment, o-kay?…HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA--"  
  
"GODDAMN IT, YOU FREAK!!"  
  
Gendo was scared silent, freezing in mid-cackle.  
  
"*ahem* I would like to talk to you about something, dad. Quite frankly put…"  
  
"Well, what is it, Thir-Shinji?"  
  
" …You're an asshole, Dad. Frankly, you are not only a raving psychopath and a terrible, I positively mean just goddamned AWFUL excuse of father, but to put it to ya straight, no one likes ya, never will, and never would want to give it a try. And yes, Pen-Pen is seeing someone. And let me tell you, Pen-Pen and Ritsuko are animals in the sack. I hear them and fell them through the wall every night."  
  
"Oh…"  
  
"…"  
  
Gendo straightened himself out, and tried to re-assert his authority. "*ahem* Ok, Third Child, I have a new assignment for you, then."  
  
Shinji eyed him suspiciously. "What assignment?"  
  
He produced a video camera from underneath his long, black coat and said with a smile, "BRING ME BACK FOOTAGE OF THEM IN ACTION!!!"  
  
Shinji looked at him for a second in complete disbelief, then sighed and closed his eyes. So much for the talk having any real effect on him. But there was always "Plan B".  
  
He made like he was bending to get something, then at the last moment whipped his rod right into Gendo's face as hard as his body possibly could.  
  
"*OOF*!" SPLASH!!  
  
Gendo went right overboard into the water. Shinji then grabbed a paddle, and waited. Gendo's head emerged from the water, and Shinji gave it a solid good whack, rendering him unconscious as he sank back down. Shinji began paddling back to shore, thinking with shame of how he just poisoned many, many fish. 


End file.
